A shocking statement about the dangers of praise has a simple explanation. The child quickly gets used to a positive assessment. He ceases to feel calm and confident without words of praise. In those cases where there is no praise, emotional breakdowns are possible. The child feels grief and anger for not being appreciated. There is a very unpleasant metamorphosis. The little man ceases to know the world with interest. He tries only to hear: "You're done!"

In the old days, parents were very cautious about the praise of the child.

In everyday life, praised seldom and sparingly: "You know what you did well. Why again talk about this? "But there were certain rituals, for example, during matchmaking, when they specially told about the merits of the bride and groom.

Psychologists, on the one hand, object to excessive praise. On the other hand, they say that it is the support from the parents that gives the child confidence in their abilities, helps them develop their talents and abilities actively. Psychologists are sure: children whom parents support, are more successful and more active than their less protected peers.

Is it possible to combine such dissimilar positions? Do not they enter into an internal contradiction?

 

If we talk about praise, then this is impossible. Praise implies an assessment: "You're done, you just invented everything ingeniously, you're clever." That is, every time we evaluate the child. He becomes a hostage to our opinion of him.

 

It is more correct to talk about what feelings we experience as a result of his actions.

"I liked how you performed. I'm glad that you got a four for the composition. " In these words, there is encouragement, approval, but there is no evaluation. We talk about our feelings and teach the child to notice and pronounce their own. The realization of one's own experiences, the designation of their words enables the child to better understand himself. In the future, it will help him successfully deal with difficult life situations.

Psychologists do not ask us to be indifferent to the success of children - they ask us to be loving and wise parents, not to turn children into hostages of our evaluation ...

Elena Shiryaeva