Concepts: spoiled, pampering and ill-mannered are put in one row. Accordingly, if you give the child much attention (too much), then surely the child will be spoiled. When building such a chain, there is a substitution of concepts. What does "excessive attention" mean? What attention is considered unnecessary?

Answering these questions, parents build their pedagogical tactics, taking a decision, for example, not to take the child in their arms without unnecessary necessity. How do you determine if this is unnecessary or unnecessary? In their desire not to spoil the child, parents can show miracles of ingenuity. For example, if the child is wet, but cannot turn over or crawl, should it be taken in his arms from the crib? The child can be moved to a dry place, and it is not necessary to take it in hands with such an approach every time it is described, but only every fourth.

Another big parental dilemma: to communicate with the child or he should occupy himself. "If I keep in touch with the child all the time, I'll spoil it with my attention." Meanwhile, the development of any child occurs only through an adult and with the help of an adult. We all know about the Mowgli children. Children who have not heard the first few years of their lives human speech, who did not have contact with people, they can not either master the speech to the fullest, or learn full-fledged communication. "Tarzan" and "Mowgli" are fabulous characters, in life for development the child needs a feedback from an adult. Before the child says a word, he will hear him from his mother many times, repeat it in his bird's tongue, enjoy Mama's admiration for his babbling.

A child who receives parental attention on a schedule or in homeopathic doses can put an equal sign between different concepts - being in the spotlight and being loved.

The key to understanding is the adult's own irritation, which arises from communication with the child. It is noteworthy that such a feeling can arise even in such cases when the child seems to behave remarkably, does more than what the parents expect of him, or if the child behaves well, tries to please everyone.

For example, my mother is talking on the phone. The child before the mother began to call was engaged in their own affairs. But as soon as her mother took up the phone, the child begins to show her achievements to her mother:

- Mom, look how great, I learned to push it out today in training!

- Well done, son!

- Mom, look how cool I get a bridge!

"Mmm, yes, son, I see it!"

- Mom, you did not look!

"I'll show it to you again, look carefully!"

- Mmm, I see, son, it's great!

- Mama…

- Go to your room! Do not you see, I'm on the phone talking!

- Mama…

"Go to your room!"

The son splashes wonderfully, makes a bridge. He is eager to share his achievements with his mother - it is also very good for the development of warm relations between mother and child. The reason for the conflict arises from the fact that the son incorrectly chose the time to share his achievements with his mother. In other words, the child demands attention from the mother in an unacceptable form for her: during an important or interesting telephone conversation for her. Is it possible to say that the child is spoiled? For this child, Mom's attention is an indicator of my mother's love. A good prevention of such a child's belief is the attention paid to the child without his request: just like that.

In our case, the mother could sign to ask to come and embrace her hero, who has already learned so much, showing that she is nearby, notices and feels his achievements, is proud of them. Having been with my mother for a few seconds or minutes, the child would most likely have rushed off to his business, receiving his portion of attention. A busy parent can still make time for communication with children, and within a week each child should receive from him his share of attention. when children receive the desired attention in an amicable way, they do not need to seek it in negative ways.

In addition to "spoiling" and "pampering" there is also a "pet". Who is the "darling"? A darling is a man who is pampered, who are indulged in everything. The portable meaning of this word is "one who is lucky in everything, a lucky man". There is a steady expression of the darling of fate, which denotes a fortunate man.

Babovni - those who bathe in the parental love, who rejoice around those who are desired and loved in any of their manifestations. Spoilers often receive gifts, but not because they themselves require it, but because the giver does it with a pure heart, out of a desire to make pleasant. Spoilers are those who can be many, but not because of connivance or false feelings of guilt of parents, but because the child is conscious and ready to take responsibility for their actions himself. Spoilers are those whose requests are not ignored, but this is not the result of the fact that the child is ascended on a pedestal by his closest relatives, but points out that the family takes a careful approach to people, so the daughters learn to build and their relationship with others. Spoiled - those who are not loved for their success, but for their uniqueness, simply because they are.

How to grow a spoiled child, but a darling? Where is the line between free will and permissiveness, just demands and dictatorship and the suppression of the child's personality?

By building his relationships with people, it is important for the child to feel where his personality ends and the identity of the other begins. Therefore it is important to acquaint the child with their desires and interests, which are not limited exclusively to family interaction.

Asking the child a certain framework, introducing the concepts "can" and "not", we, in fact, thereby facilitating their lives. It is important that "it is impossible" does not become the most often pronounced word for a child. Let "not" be a little, but these prohibitions will be unambiguous and unchanged. Sensitive guidance of the adult goes to the child for good - he learns to control his emotions, adequately respond to life's difficulties, his personality is formed in accordance with the principle of reality, and not fantasy confidence in his own omnipotence, capable of growing into megalomania in the future. Saying "no" to a child is not as difficult as it may seem. If, at the same time, we make it clear to him that rejection is not a manifestation of dislike, but in this case just a necessity, the child agrees with this without much resistance.

Sometimes it happens that the idea of how to properly communicate with the child, interfere with a close confidential dialogue with the child.

The mother of the three-year-old child came to the consultation with a complaint: the child can not hear the refusal - immediately breaks into a tantrum. A typical example was a situation: a child asks for a candy, his mother refuses, the child rolls a hysterical.

In a detailed analysis of the situation, it turned out that the child was weaned about a year ago, and the diet regime has not recovered since the child is very small and irregularly eats, this situation worries mom very much. Therefore, when a child asks for a candy before a meal, mother, having a firm conviction that the sweet before meals will negatively affect the son's appetite and so far from his son's appetite, refuses, putting all his anxiety, anxiety and annoyance in the ban on the fact that the situation is repeated again and again . The child becomes frightened and starts to cry, he does not understand, whence such emotional splash in reply to the usual request, and to ask about it at mum owing to age yet can not.

In such a situation, only an adult can break the circle of habitual communication because of greater life experience, strength, and ability. You can get out of the usual circle by taking several steps:

Pay attention to the fact that some of the interactions lead to disruptions in communication (the child cries in response to the refusal).
Answer the question: what do I tell my child with my cue? And what I want to report? Questions only seem at first sight to be overlapping each other, when you carefully analyze your actions and intentions, you can almost always find discrepancies.
Realizing the situation for yourself, to expand your vision to the child without violent emotional manifestations and assessments.
In the above candy situation, the statement addressed to the child had the following form.

Sasha, I can not give you a candy now, because I'm worried about your tummy, it seems to me that after the candy you will be hard to eat soup. Let's feed the tummy first with soup, and then with candy!

Mom's surprise was boundless, when the child, having received such an answer to his question about sweets, nodded and went quietly to do his own business.

So, the spoiled child does not make parental attention, but the absence of timely set boundaries. The answer to the question of how to communicate with the child correctly so as not to spoil it is simple. Imagine that a child is your best friend, with your interests and needs. The child - the best friend of his parents - will necessarily become a darling of fate.